TO ALL THE BITCHES AND BASTARDS WHO HAVE TRIED TO MAKE MY LIFE HELL THIS YEAR:

1) You’re ugly. You make the Grinch look sexy.
2) You’re ugly…on the INSIDE too! like a reverse Quasimodo. expect still ugly on the outside.
3) That thing you call a nose? Yeah, I think the Egyptians want their pyramid back. And no, those wannabe hipster glasses don’t help. They–are–atrocious.
4) You’re mean, bitter, selfish, and don’t mind cutting people down so you can stack and climb up their defeated bodies to the top. Well, guess what? You ain’t fucking bringing me down, bitch!
5) You’re immature. Seriously. Did you never watch Sesame Street? Learn to say please and thank you. Learn to listen and use your INSIDE voices WHIST INSIDE. I know you think your pig’s squeal is endearing or something but it’s not. It sounds like a slaughterhouse. And I’m a vegetarian, by the way.
6) You have a hideous soul, and no one will ever love you. In fact, in ten years, when you’re alone, pitiful, and pathetic, I will look at you and laugh, and smile and then fuck my sexy husband for good measure. May you die alone with your wretchedness!
7) You’re rude and like summer vacation–no class.
Yo mamma jokes won’t do because I already feel so bad for your parents for having to deal with spoiled brats like you.
9)You’re not that smart. Sure, you’ve got brains–but so does a slug, like 32 in fact–but that doesn’t mean they’re worth anything. Your immaturity and obliviousness of social tact and courtesy make you one of the stupidest people I have ever met.
10) Thank you for teaching me that although I will always have to deal with bitches and bastards like you guys–I will have the freedom to say: FUCK YOU BITCH without getting detention.

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