Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. I go over every little aspect about myself and obsess over the flaws, whether it’s my weight, my abrasive personality, or my trust issues. Then I managed to calm myself down by convincing myself that I’m just fine.

But am I really? I’m a senior in High School, I’ve reached the age of 18, and I’ve never so much as had a guy flirt with me. I try to tell myself that I’m still young, and High School relationships never last anyways, and I should focus on more important things.

But honestly it’s not really about love anymore. My confidence has risen a lot this year, for reasons I can’t really explain, but I want others to notice me. I know I shouldn’t worry about what others think of me, but the truth of it all is that life is all about appearances. Appearances help businesses gain customers and earn money. Appearances help people get hired. The wrong appearance can summon up harsh judgements and make someone’s life a living hell. People don’t dress up, wear makeup, or any of this just for themselves. Hell, the reason we wear clothing is for appearance.

So is it so wrong of me to want someone other than myself to think of me as beautiful? To look at me and regard me as someone they want to spend a lot of their time with? I know it sounds so superficial and petty, but how can I continue to think of myself as beautiful if no one else agrees with me?

I’ve had crushes before, and every one of them started when I thought a guy was flirting with me. But I always feel like a fool later when I find out I was wrong, and they were obsessing over someone else. All I want is for someone other than my friends to call me “cute” at least. I want evidence to support my confidence.

I just don’t want to feel like I’m repulsive. I want to know what it’s like to be loved by someone that isn’t a friend or family member. I want someone to want to spend every waking moment with me.

There are 6,970,778,414 people on earth. There must be at least one that could love me.

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