Well, it’s only been a month and a half and things have changed dramatically. I look back at my last post and my how things have changed. There is no doubt now — I do love her. I can say it to myself but I can’t tell anyone else. Definitely not her — she is my best friend and she know’s everything about me but I cannot share this with her. Circumstances led to us making out and even talking about taking it further. We were drunk and now after the fact, the only conversation we had about that night was her insisting that I leave it alone. It has been several weeks and I’ve tried to convince myself that it was nothing and meant nothing to her but I feel petty, helpless and stupid for feeling this way for her. I want nothing more to be with her and I cannot ignore the reality that it just..won’t..be. I’m aware that this is life and shit happens. I want to brush it off and move on with life and not dwell but this is a game changer for me, I am getting to the point where something dramatic has to happen in my life — whether it’s just being out with this to her, and/or telling my partner and breaking it off. But I don’t want to rock the boat and I could easily be her friend for years to come.

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