Please comment and Help Me
There’s a guy I’ve loved for three years. It is not healthy for me to love him because he makes me feel bad about myself. I have skipped breakfast and lunch and not eaten in public now for three years because I don’t want people to judge me. He said I had a big stomach three years ago, and I never got over it. This year, he put me on a crash diet, where I ate nothing for two weeks and if I did eat anything I threw up, because he said, “sorry I don’t date fat people” when I asked him out. It hurt me deep down. I couldn’t believe he would say something like that. I have ALWAYS been self conscious about my weight. I feel as if I am on the brink of anorexia, because I just want to lose weight so that he will love me. I am five foot four and 102 pounds. I don’t know if that’s overweight or not, because I know that my friends wouldn’t tell me if it was. I am afraid to tell my friends what I weigh because they will tell me, “You’re so skinny!” If I was 250 pounds just to make me happy. I don’t care what they say anyway. I just want “his” approval. How can I stop loving him? I just want him so badly. I want to cry every time I see him. I just saw him in Shop Rite today, and he said “looking better……… almost there”. He was staring at my stomach because I was wearing a tight Hollister shirt and skinny jeans. I tried to cover my stomach with my arms but he’d already seen the bump of FAT. I just want him to love me in return. But I don’t want him to have all of this control over me. I love him and hate him at the same time. If you read this please comment. I need help.
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Run, don’t walk, away from this relationship. He’s going to end up killing you with his critiques… 102 pounds is tiny for someone under 5′ tall. You’re average height. I don’t claim to know your body type, but that’s just a wisp.
You are NOT overweight at all, in fact you may be underweight.
As far as eating in public. Everyone eats. That’s why restaurants exist. No one is judging you about what you’re eating. In fact, if you’re a tiny girl eating a huge burger you’ll likely make other girls jealous that you can eat a huge burger and not gain weight.
GET AWAY FROM HIM… ASAP.
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But how can I do that when I love him? I don’t even know if he knows how badly he is hurting me. I really want him to love me for me still, but he just breaks my heart. How can I just run away from that?
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All right. This is where I’m supposed to tell you that he’s an asshole, you deserve better, and that you should completely discount every last bit of that negative bull he’s been spouting.
And you know what? That’s because he is. And you do. And you should.
Fuck him. Fuck him and his self-centered bitch outlook on life. He sounds like the epitome of an ignorant cunt.
Since you’re in love with him, though, I know it doesn’t work to just say “I don’t care what he thinks about me” and magically expect that to happen. That is definitely not your fault– it’s just the way the world works. Nobody has the right to judge you in this situation based on your feelings towards him.
Now, I know this isn’t what you want to hear (though I think you already understand it; you’re an intelligent person), but judging by what you’ve said, this guy has absolutely no respect for you as a person. That isn’t your fault, either– but if you continue to play his little game and keep on working so hard to impress him, this situation is only going to get worse. He’ll just continue to exploit the fact that he has so much influence over you (an absolutely disgusting move on his part, by the way). What he’s been doing is flat-out mental abuse.
Even if you do eventually lose “enough” weight to satisfy him, any relationship you two had would be horribly oppressive and unhealthy in the end (and I know, I’ve never met this guy personally, so remember that I’m basing this entirely off of what you’ve posted.)
It sounds like he would be nothing but manipulative towards you, and he wouldn’t show you any real appreciation whatsoever.
My opinion? You deserve so, so, SO much better than that.
You’re an absolutely beautiful person.
(Oh, by the way– going off of that height and weight, your BMI is 17.5. Meaning you’re actually underweight. Average BMI is between 18.5 and 24.9.)
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How can I feel beautiful if nobody else sees it? I mean sure my friends say that I look so thin and great but they just want to make me feel good. I just want this guy to like me. LOVE me even, and it hurts that he doesn’t. How can I stop caring what he thinks? I need to stop caring before I become anorexic because of him (again). I mean I’ve already been there once and it sucks major. Please help me!
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VC and Miss said all that you need to hear: get away from him ASAP!!!!
“I need to stop caring before I become anorexic because of him (again). I mean I’ve already been there once and it sucks major. Please help me!”
so you went through all this shit once before because of the same guy..? and did he date you for awhile and you gained some weight back?
nothing will ever be good enough for him. NOTHING!!! you can get down to 95, 90, 85, he would probably still say you’re overweight.
if you want him to like you for you, then you shouldn’t have to lose weight for him to like you.
“How can I feel beautiful if nobody else sees it? I mean sure my friends say that I look so thin and great but they just want to make me feel good.”
i would be willing to bet that your friends AREN’T just saying those things to make you happy. in fact, if they were to be completely honest with you, they would probably tell you you are a little too skinny, but saying that would make you even more self conscious than you already are.
the opinion of a ‘boy’ (he could be in his 20′s, but he is nothing but a ‘boy’ in a mans body) shouldn’t matter to you as much as it does. the only opinion of you that matters is your own. you have to love and accept who YOU are before you can expect someone else to love and accept who you are.
this guy has 0 respect for you to say the things he has. how can you expect someone that doesn’t respect you to have the capacity to love you? even if you managed to get to a look that he finds acceptable, the first sign that you gained a pound or two, he would be out the door. he wouldn’t be loving you for you, just what you look like.
my hope for you, is to find a new guy who loves you exactly as you are. a guy who gets you to eat in public again. a guy who gets you to realize that it’s not what you look like on the outside that is important, but who you are on the inside. a guy who showers you with compliments until you finally start to believe you are as beautiful as he sees you are.
you want to make him feel like a piece of shit and self conscious? ask him how big his dick is. i don’t care if he tells you it’s 12 inches long (cuz he’d be lying anyway) then tell him it’s not big enough. or tell him it looks like his hair line has receded a little bit.
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Wow, that guy you think so highly of is really an asshole who doesn’t deserve even an ounce of your time. You need to have some pride in yourself, and move on with your life, and leave him behind. He’s causing you so much pain. How can you love someone who is slowly killing you?
Behind this screen, I bet there is a girl who is, in reality, beautiful inside and out. If he doesn’t see that, then he’s the person with the problem. And it’s even more absurd that he care’s so much about the way you look. Maybe he’s really hiding feeling’s for you. I mean, I’ve never known somebody who concerned themselves so much with another person’s life if they didn’t feel/care at least a little bit for them. But either way, even if he did show his feeling’s that way, it’s the most f***** up way I’ve ever heard of in my entire life! It sound’s like a bunch of childish high school crap gone way too far.
This guy is getting high off of the attention that he know’s you give to him. He know’s that you “love” him. (And this is really not love at all. Maybe lust. You have to steer clear from him.) You’re feeding his ego. That’s why he’s egging you on. He can’t believe that someone is on there hand’s and knees to every one of his need’s. He’s sitting back laughing watching while you endure all this pain(hunger/starvation), because he’s a sick bastard who only find’s it humorous that someone in this world, “Oh my gosh, SOMEONE! Someone in this BIG world!” praises him. You are his puppet. And to him it’s a joke. And you need to break the string’s. Let go. Stay away from him. Find someone who is worth it, because this guy has a serious problem, and he’s just bringing you down with him. You don’t want his love. You need to aim higher, way higher!! You can aim higher!! You just aren’t letting yourself aim higher. Trust me, you don’t love this guy, and you’d be better off forgetting him, and leaving him behind. And if ever, in the future, you do leave him behind, he’s gonna be lost without you, because, “Where has his fan gone?”, “Where has that girl gone who alway’s made him feel so amazing, like a king?”. He’s gonna be lost. L.O.S.T. Lost. Nothing but lost.
And don’t hesitate to talk to a counselor about this. Ventanon is great. But sometime’s you need something more then a venting site. And don’t be ashamed to talk to a counselor. I’ve been in a similar situation as you, a few year’s back. However, mine never got this far, but I did like someone like this, who really made me feel like nothing but dirt. And breaking free was the best thing that I ever did. It’s the best thing for you to do too. Please do it!
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Thank you, and actually I did break free. It was just yesterday morning. He started chatting me on facebook, and I’m like Oh God, really? He’s going to start screwing with me at five thirty in the morning? But I just told him, “hey, look, I don’t know if you’re aware of this or care, but you’re hurting me, so STOP. I’m not going to take this from you, I don’t need to take this from ANYBODY.” and we was shocked. He actually was just messing around because he thought I knew he was saying it ironically, and that I’m one of the skinniest prettiest girls he knows. He just wanted to get my attention. He had actually rejected me because he is not ready for a relationship and just pulled it out of the air. He felt horrible after he said it but I was already gone. I actually felt so good at school today, I ate breakfast in the cafeteria in the morning, and then also lunch. But now he is aware, I will not talk to him if he ever says anything like that again, to me or anybody else. Nobody deserves that kind of abuse. I have learned a lot through this ordeal though, because if I can’t love myself, who is going to love me? Because of this I have the courage to stand up for myself.
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He probably likes you and it’s his idiot way of trying to flirt. Best way to get him back is say, “You know, that’s really rude. I don’t like it when guys behave like that” and walk away.
See what he does, I bet he finds you later and says he’s sorry.
If he really thought you were gross and unattractive, he wouldn’t give you the time of day, he’d just ignore you.
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