Im sick of being treated like a piece of freaking shit! Life is always gonna be the same. Everyday is exactly the same. Everyday I go through the same bull shit with either the same person or a new person. I hate that every guy I meet never seems to be honest with me. Seriously, Im honest with you… so I hope/expect youre gonna be honest with me. Its not that hard to tell the truth. Dont they know that lies build up to more lies? I fucking hate being lied to. To some people telling lies dont seem like the biggest deal in the world, b/c you know, nobody died from one, or did they? But it matters to me. Ive been holding a grudge for like 2 years on someone just because I found out they werent being honest with me. Yeah, I know I do kind of feel like that might be a little extreme, but imagine how shitty that feeling is when you find out that the whole time the person was playing with your mind?!?!? Especially, when you thought they were a good person and potentially could be an awesome friend. Normally, I dont really hold grudges, (not my kinda style) but this one really fucked me up, and now Im suspicious of pretty much everyone who I talk to. Thanks, to that GREAT person who had to fuck me up even more then I already am. Thanks, because now I cant trust anyone. Thanks, because you knew I was a really nice person so you thought it would be funny to fucking lead me on.
Thanks, for making me feel that much more worse about myself as if I didnt feel worse enough already. I hate this. I hate being everyones door mat. I hate when people make fun of me. I hate when people who dont even know me make fun of me. I hate how I GO AROUND TRYING TO BE THE NICEST PERSON IN THE FUCKING WORLD, which is IMPOSSIBLE, and yet people shit all over me because of that. They say stuff like, oh she must be slow, or shes got issues. No! Im trying to be your friend. Im trying to be nice, and show you that I fucking care about you. Im trying to be a good person. Sorry, if I seem needy or clingy, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to talk to who’s not a fucking therapist. And honestly, I seriously dont want to have to resort to fucking counseling or medication. My dad thinks I might be depressed or something. He says I have low self esteem. No, I just want an honest and nice fucking friend. Then maybe Ill feel a little bit more secure with myslef. Oh, and I hate when I can be so nice to people, and then maybe once I appear snobbish towards them, and its right away, “oh, shes rude.” No Im only rude to the people who I feel threatened by, the people who I suspect are being rude to me. Thats why I came across as rude. When Im defending myself. Oh but of course if theyre rude to me, thats alright. I hate being a paranoid person. I hate feeling like I wanna die. Nobody gives me a chance to say what im feeling. And nobody understands at all what I am trying to say. The other day I was looking through my baby book, idk I was bored, and my mother wrote that all I did was hum tunes and sing, and I spoke english very well for my age, but the things I was saying, people still failed to understand what I was trying to say. WELL, THAT HASNT CHANGED ONE BIT! I guess Im just gonna go through life with nobody who gets me.

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