hypocrisy? I don’t know what to call this vent

10:48pm October 04 2010 ~ 2 Responses · About family.

My mother says she’s disappointed with me for wanting to get my 1 year old daughter’s ears pierced. This comes from a woman who had my feet operated on when I was 12 for bunion surgery and had a joint taken out of one of my toes because she is a crazy hypochondriac lunatic. There was nothing wrong with my feet and I had been ashamed about how my feet look now my whole life because my effing toe doesn’t bend now. There was no need for mutilating my feet. There is no reason to have surgery unless your life is in danger. And mine wasn’t. I could always walk and run and jump and play like any other kid. I have NO IDEA to this day why my parents decided to do this to me. The toe with the joint removed causes me pain every day now, because it can’t bend like it’s supposed to.
And my mom chastised the shit out of me – “no!! don’t get your daughter’s ears pierced! let her decide to do it. it will hurt her. ” (!!!!!!!!!really bitch!!!??? do you think foot surgery that I didn’t need or want was a little painful and I have scars for life??) I guess she got tired of having her legs cut up for varicose veins wasn’t enough, when she didn’t need that. I guess her mother didn’t pay enough attention to her since her sister’s son had leukemia, so she had to fuck me up so she’d get some attention.
She just now told me (32 years later) that maybe I got asthma because the house that we lived in when I was little had toxic black mold that they’d painted over. Yeah – did she just think of that? What the fuck!! I was in the hospital 3 times for asthma attacks. She had me on 7 different pills a nose spray & an albuterol inhaler (all at once) when I was 5 years old till 13. And ya wonder why I was hyper & had some behavior issues. Ya think??
Thanks, Mom.
I spent my childhood years in 2 different sets of braces, hospitalized from asthma, allergy shots twice a week, unnecessary orthopedic shoes and once she took me to a doctor to try to get me a back brace. I was a fucking MODEL at the time for a local department store, so I’m pretty sure the doctor was laughing his ass off when he told her, that um no, I didn’t need a back brace.
My folks put me on prozac when I was 15 and wanted to hospitalize me for depression.

Now I am happily married, live far away from them & have a sweet baby girl and I love her & her daddy with all my heart. My mom is stirring up the super crazy whenever she can, and while she is my parent, and my dad just goes along with whatever she says, I’m aggravated that they say they’re super disappointed in me for wanting to have her ears pierced. They have been super disappointed in me for everything. I was a straight A student and graduated from college, and now run my own business.
But they are always condescending & judgemental & negative.

I wish they would just go away if they aren’t going to change. I’m so depressed after every time they visit because I get the “we had such a great time with you…but we wish you would…blah blah blah and you need to be doing blah blah blah”.

I really wish my folks were my friends. I told them that my husband & I were thinking about adopting a few years from now because I think another pregnancy this late in my life would be getting on the risky side. Their response was “ohhh you don’t want to do THAT…” You don’t want to ADOPT a baby – and made this disgusted face like I was considering something distasteful & embarrassing.

That’s what kind of “kind souls” they are.
I wonder how I am related to them on a regular basis, and pray for them, but mostly pray they will drift farther apart from me and just stop bringing their gloom into my life.

It’s a miracle I didn’t off myself many times God knows I practiced (shamefully) – I just know there is something I can do somehow to help folks that grew up in my position that I can help give comfort & self confidence somehow.

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  1. dude 4 October 2010 at 11:37 PM Permalink

    there is so much in your post, but all i am going to comment on is the ear piercing thing….
    when i got my ear pierced, it didn’t hurt much at all, your mother is a dolt for thinking it’s going to hurt your lil girl. it was tender to the touch afterward, but caused no pain in the actual process of getting it done. the tongue on the other hand, hurt like a bitch, and i would NEVER get it done again.
    if you want to get your daughters ears pierced, then do so, you’re her mom. however, if you were to wait until she was the one who asked to get it done, then you would be able to take her and it would be a mother/daughter bonding thing.
    i would also like to comment on ““we had such a great time with you…but we wish you would…blah blah blah and you need to be doing blah blah blah”.” i fuckin hate when my mother does shit like that to me. ok, yeah, so i went to culinary school. ok, yeah, so at times i enjoyed working in kitchens. but, fucking A woman, get off my back. its been like 10 years since i last worked a culinary job, i doubt i will again. besides, the job i have now pays way better, has much better health benefits, and way, WAY less stress than ANY kitchen job i ever had. i usually just give her that last sentence as my response and most times she picks something else to talk about.

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    • Anonymous 5 October 2010 at 3:23 PM Permalink

      thanks! It’s nice to know there is a site like this where I can yell my head off and blow off steam when my parents drive me nuts. Last time I reacted to some of their craziness, my dad didn’t speak to me at all at my daughter’s 1st birthday party and my mom told me she ‘felt sorry for me’. Dude – I could write a book.

      Thank you for the empathy!! My husband says he’s taking our daughter to get her ears pierced this weekend just to piss my mom off. ha ha

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