Telling me that I stress about “everything”, ambiguously speaking, is… you’re right. It’s very mature. You think I’m passive aggressive when I told you quite bluntly I was mildly annoyed — mind, MILDLY. Believe me, “life altering” isn’t a term I’d use for what happened. Also, it’s not me that’s using sentences like “I still love you, and all that, but, etc.” Isn’t that a sign of passive aggression, according to you?

I don’t even know how to summarise the patronising tone of your intervention. I also find it very interesting that it is you who ends up rejected in a conversation in which you tell me that one of the people who has said nothing to me in whole months apparently has a problem with me, as do you, a person who’s had to be (like you said) extra friendly — because whatever it is I’m doing is not fun to be around. I’m sorry for feeling less than cheerful about that.

I won’t lie: it was slightly disorienting and extremely hurtful to have someone randomly say that — random, considering you’d given me no sign that my talking to you was a problem and been speaking as though stuff is alright with you. But this is absolutely the last time you do this. I want you to know that it’s not “for now” – it’s just it.

I’m not ever going to try to compare the scales of our issues, seriously. You have serious problems and sure, maybe mine are trivial to you. But you talk to me about your problems, even the small ones, and I take them seriously because they’re important to you. This doesn’t make me a better friend, but it does mean something. You are also prone to being wordy and sometimes dramatic about stuff, as has been proved a number of times in the past in the context of apparently smaller issues (re: Sanc). But one assumes that as a friend you’re supposed to accept people for stuff like that — because that’s you. This is, however, apparently untrue in situations when a person is less fun out of perceived stressing about everything.

So… okay. That’s fine, really. I appreciate you sitting with me all those nights having no fun when I felt low or there was something freaky going on. Now I know I need to tell you I’m very grateful for it, because clearly it was painful for you and that was you being extra friendly. I apologise for putting you through that, but you needn’t have bothered – I can handle myself fine and I really don’t need people going through shit to be around me. I will take your kind wishes of a sparkly life with a grain of salt (and just to be polite, I will not repeat the thing about passive aggression).

Let me be very, very clear. I don’t really want to talk to you, or write with you. In general, this is the last time I cry over something you said, the last fucking time I allow myself to go through the humiliation of learning to trust you in order to find myself slapped in a manner that is, not shockingly, very pre-school of you. You are frankly being stupid and self-absorbed, but, happily, I really don’t need to take it.

And oh – for the last slap in the face – “if something bad happens, you can of course still talk to me about it”.

Random Posts

• I’m a joke to you? (0)
• I was outed at school today :( (5)
• Abolish The Federal Reserve (0)
• Just tell me. (2)