you bitch constantly like your brand of suffering is worse than anybody’s. prolly the only way you can validate treating me like a sniveling bitch if i have the nerve to try to burden you with something that’s bothering me.

you make it clear that you’re not wild about talking to other people, making calls, having your time infringed upon, but this morning i’m still stinging a little from abrupt dismissal yesterday, so i didn’t answer…and wow! the implication that you were doing me a favor by calling me; how DARE i have the nerve to not answer that phone. yeah..it’s been perfectly obvious, especially over the last week, i’m not one of your priorities anymore; i try and let you off the hook a lil bit, since talking to me is apparently enormously taxing, and i’m treated like a bastard at a family reunion.

i live hours away from you, have done my best to never infringe upon your privacy needs when i am there, i don’t get in a twist when you don’t answer the phone if i call, have swallowed even the most minimal of my emotional needs so you never feel like i’m ‘clingy’. you just did me the enormous favor of calling me on your lunch as i was typing this and you did nothing but bitch about your day…i have run out of ways to respond to you. you say you love me, but it seems conditional on my not having any personal needs. you bring up marriage every so often, but i honestly don’t see you being happy about it once you have me there every day and discover that i, too, am human; then i will be your Big Mistake #4 (!).

and then, just when i’m gathering my nerve to tell you i don’t want this anymore, you become sweet and loving…almost as if you have a direct line into my head and know it’s about to come spilling out. goddamn you.

yeah…i vent here because of all that.

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