Haven’t vented in a loooonnnnggg time
Hey. I love you. A lot. Too much. I’m afraid it’s an obsession. I’m afraid I’m dillusional. You’re here with me everyday, and I feel like you may have some feelings for me, too. I know nothing will probably ever happen. I’m too young for you. You’re too old for me. I know. I’ve seen friends of mine take this chance and I’ve seen where it has gotten them. I can’t stand it though. I feel like I’m a captive of my age. I suppose everyone feels like that at this point in their lives, but I could be doing things that MEAN something. I could be with you. I could be happy if I were able to be in control of my own life. Two more years. That’s all. Then I’m free. And I hope you’re waiting for me. I really do. I know that’s probably not the case, but I remember what you said that night. You looked me straight in the eye and said “If I have to wait for the right girl to come along, then I’ll wait, I’ve got nothing but time, and I know she’s worth it.” I hope with all my heart you were talking about me, but I’m not all that optimistic. Maybe I’m making it all up in my head. Oh well. Ignorance is bliss, right? I guess there’s nothing I can do but cross my fingers and hope that you feel for me like I feel for you. Six years isn’t that big of an age difference is it?
On another note, I feel like I haven’t had any real fun since my last break-up. He was my only fun outlet. Sitting in the front seat of his car going nowhere fast was my favorite thing to do, even if I didn’t love him. Everything I do feels like something I have to do. I work, I go to school, I take care of the house, I do my homework, even my friends feel like a big responsibility. Of course I have fun doing all of that. I love my job and my friends, and even taking care of the house, but it’s all stuff I HAVE to do. I have no time for mindless, silly, just-for-me fun. What’s a girl to do? I’m just bad at being a teenager I guess. What do kids do for fun these days? It looks like everyone is just sitting around, bored, trying to think of something to do. Sigh sigh.
ON YET ANOTHER NOTE.
I went to the dentist today and found out that I have to get my wisdom teeth pulled and that I grind my teeth when I sleep because of stress. That means that there is absolutely nothing I can do about my pain except some orajel and pain killers. Oh, and wear some nightguard when I sleep to keep me from grinding. Stupid ex boyfriend has stressed me out so much that my teeth are actually suffering. Did I mention that he left me for another girl and lied to me about it the whole time, making everything “my fault”. I had to find out from one of my friends that he was dating the girl that he was “just friends” with the whole time we were together. Blah.
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6 years isn’t too big of an age difference if its with someone that is 21 and the other person being 27. on the other hand, 16 and 22 just don’t go together. by all rights, your still a child, no matter how mature you may be and act. if it is meant to be, it will be, but until then, try to enjoy your life and keep in contact with the one you love. just because you can’t or shouldn’t be together doesn’t mean you can’t still talk.
on another note, get used to doing things that you HAVE to do. its called life. work, chores, bills, ect ect. you love your job and doing chores which is a good thing. if you hated those things, the fact that you HAVE to do them would make doing them 10 times worse.
on yet another note, it sucks that you grind your teeth and have to have wisdom teeth pulled, but better to get them pulled now rather than later.