Get out of my brain! (this is long…)
I haven’t spoken to you for a few years now, even though you still come up in discussion occasionally amongst friends who knew you. We only dated for a few months really and I was completely in love with you. I don’t think it was mutual and it really isn’t surprising to me that we split ways in the end. I was disappointed that you wouldn’t be my friend, but determined to forget about someone who showed no signs of caring. It happens.
Why then are you in my brain? It’s frustrating; I feel like you cast some sort of voodoo on me before ignoring me forever. We do live in the same city, but its large and I have never seen you. I don’t think about you most days, but then something happens. Usually I’ve completely forgotten about you and then you show up in my *dreams* as some random character. I don’t have a good memory, nor am I aware of my dreams often, so why do you show up there? I should be counting how many times this has happened but then I would probably be ill.
Then some days I feel like listening to my favorite band, one that dates to my childhood and resonates with my very being when I listen to them. You used to listen to them (and you probably still do). It bugs me but I just can’t give up something that brings me so much joy. I just have to deal with remembering you.
The weirdest thing that happened lately was that, somehow, I took a job that required me to drive right by your freaking house. This is a big city. How did that happen? I could have gone a different route but the traffic would have been awful. So twice a day I was one of the many cars that buzzed along right by your place. I’m glad we didn’t see each other because you were always paranoid and probably wouldn’t have believed in such a coincidence. I could hardly believe it myself.
I suppose the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that I still care at all. Remembering you probably wouldn’t bother me if you no longer meant anything. I also worry that the person I have been with for the past several years would be upset, because I love him and want to be with him, but he is an insecure person. He knew you, too, and how I felt back then.
So now I am sharing my woes with ventanon because really, I can’t tell anyone else.
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I understand how you feel my ex is the same way what bugs me the most are the dreams & I don’t miss him so why do I dream w/e such is life all one can do is deal & live <3
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Its hard to stop caring about someone that you once cared for. Love is a great thing. It builds us up. It makes us happy. On the flip side, love can tear you down and make you very unhappy. But you can’t deny or forget that person you knew in the beginning, the one you fell in love with.
Memory is a very funny and tricky thing. The smell of rose scented perfume or any song by Uncle Cracker brings back memories of a ex. And so it goes, I have days even weeks I don’t think about the past, then flipping through the radio in the car I hear a song, and there she is in my head. It’s not that I don’t care about about any of my past loves, I don’t wish any of them harm, but I also don’t want them to be part of my life either. They are gone for one reason or another and I want to keep it that way.
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